


In (in love, in hiding, in plain sight)

by salable_mystic



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bottom Tony, Established Relationship, First Time, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, New Relationship, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut, Top Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-23 20:06:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13795311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salable_mystic/pseuds/salable_mystic
Summary: Tony and Steve have been in a relationship for two months now, but this will be the first time they have actual penetrative sex. Tony is worried that he will give too much away, because, while the relationship and its physical aspects have been good so far, they‘ve not yet talked about their feelings ... .





	In (in love, in hiding, in plain sight)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fill for the letter „I“ on the alphabet challenge. The word I picked was „intimacy.“ It‘s also a fill for a kink meme prompt about Tony bottoming doggy style for Steve, as thinking about the concept of intimacy and the prompt meshed in my head.
> 
> It‘s *also* my first time writing out and out smut, so, uh, be gentle?

The thing about Tony is, of course, that he has quite a bit of experience when it comes to intimacy and/or having a good time in the bedroom (not always the same thing), so he’s usually pretty good about knowing what he wants, is in the mood for, can take ... on any given day. And he’s usually not shy about stating his preferences or ‚no-go’s - he learned that the hard way, and now makes sure to pay attention to himself there, as well as to make sure that he does not overstep any of his partner’s bounds.

The thing is, though, that this ... relationship ... he is in with Steve now is relatively new, and that Tony, while he has a lot of experience with sex, does not actually have all that much experience when it comes to having sex with a person that you are also in a relationship with.

There was Pepper, sure, but that did not turn out all that well, and before that, in his later teens and early twenties, there were some, in retrospect, rather dubious attempts with Ty and Sunset ... so he doesn’t have much to go on.

And, well, Tony can’t help thinking that he is already in too deep, is feeling too much ... they’ve barely had sex a handful of times, and have only been dating for about two months, and here Tony’s heart is overflowing with love and affection and a ton of other tender feelings that he has a hard time hiding, especially when it’s just the two of them and they are in bed together, and all his walls come crumbling down ... not cool. Seriously not cool. Might scare Steve off levels of not cool.

Really, who does that? Come to realize you have actually fallen in love with your best friend, all at once and practically overnight, and then feel that so deeply that hiding it becomes a problem? Well, people who have a lot of failed relationships, people who end up alone, those are the people who apparently do that. People like Tony.

It’s not that Tony doesn’t think that Steve feels affection and tenderness for him, as well, Tony knows that he does ... Steve, for all his sins, is not a good liar, and he has been telling Tony affectionate things almost every day now. But still, love is not a word that has come up yet - and why would it? - they’ve never really talked about this relationship, whether they expect it to last, where they want it to go ... - they’re more than friends with benefits, that much they discussed, but love? Tony can’t help knowing that Steve could do so much better than him, and Tony’s relationships never last all that long anyway, so this might very well devolve before the L-word can reasonably be brought up, and ... no, Tony is better off protecting his heart, just a little, just while he can.

So Tony tells Steve, makes sure to tell Steve, how much he appreciates their time together, to hold his hand, to snuggle close at night, ... but he makes equally sure to keep things light and teasing, to not to think about the L-word too deeply, and to sometimes keep their physical contact from becoming too intimate, on those days when he is feeling too much and is sure that it would all, otherwise, overflow.

Which has lead them to where they are right now, to this moment in time, to them both naked and aroused and tangled together on Tony’s large bed, to the moment where Tony will, for the first time, let Steve actually physically take him, will let him inside his body, in the most intimate act possible (so far it’s been hand jobs and blow jobs and other, non-penetrative but highly enjoyable shenanigans) - and while Tony really really wants this, wants Steve inside him, he doesn’t think that he could deal with seeing Steve’s _face_ while Steve takes him. Not without spilling all his so-carefully hoarded secrets, at least. Not without telling Steve everything he feels. Not without overwhelming Steve and Steve then leaving to protect himself from the hot mess that Tony is.

Fortunately, Tony has the perfect solution to giving Steve what they both, physically, desire, and to protecting his heart and thus keeping their relationship, which they also both, right now, desire, alive.

So when Steve kisses him, deep and hot and with utter dedication, just after Tony has asked him to “Take me, oh god, Steve, please, want to feel you so deep inside!” and Steve has groaned and replied with a guttural “Yes, Tony, god,” Tony returns the kiss just as deeply, but then pulls his lips from Steve’s and rolls on his stomach, coming up on to his hands and knees. He looks at Steve, now lying beside him on the bed, and asks “Can you take me from behind? It’s been a while, for me, since ... and that will make it easier.”

It’s perfect, really, isn’t it? This way, Steve can take him and they will both get to enjoy that, but it won’t be intimate or tender, it’ll be half-way to anonymous, and, as Steve won’t be able to see Tony’s face, Tony will be able to enjoy feeling Steve in this way without Steve being able to see all the emotions flicker over Tony’s features. As positions go, this is actually Tony’s least favorite one when it comes to penetrative sex, precisely _because_ it leaves too much of one’s partner’s reactions up to the imagination, because it creates so much less of a connection, but that is what Tony wants, right now. Or, well, it is all Tony dares to want, right now. It’s safe. And Steve will never know. Steve will not be able to tell. Steve will stay.

Steve studies Tony’s face for a long, intense moment, and Tony feels as if Steve can see right through him, that he’s busted … but, not so. For apparently whatever he sees in Tony’s eyes satisfies Steve, as he gives a slow, decisive nod and then comes to sit up besides Tony, one hand coming to caress Tony’s back, while the other reaches towards the nightstand and the lube sitting there.

They had a long conversation about STDs and the use of condoms when they first went to bed together - Tony’s clean and so is Steve, one of them being a super soldier notwithstanding - and they’ve since gone without. Which is great, the best thing, for blow jobs (Tony has to yet encounter a condom that tastes of anything besides vaguely unpleasantly plastic-y, no matter the advertised flavor), but now, Tony wishes that maybe they had not gotten rid of that physical barrier. For Tony, condoms are not only a physical protection, but an emotional one, as well - a thin plastic layer that prevents things from feeling too intimate.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to feel Steve in every way possible, inside him so badly, to feel him hot and deep, taking all Tony can give him (everything, Tony would give him everything) - but, still, he’s afraid.

Steve has found the lube and has shifted so that he is behind Tony now, while Tony was lost in thought, and Tony wiggles his butt and spreads his knees on the mattress, giving Steve better access. Tony hangs his head low, so he has an upside-down view of Steve’s legs and knees moving in between Tony’s spread thighs, and thus, when one of Steve’s hands comes to rest at the small of Tony’s back, it is not precisely a surprise. What is a surprise, however, is the sheer amount of tenderness that Steve somehow manages to convey with that one touch, with just his fingers running up and down Tony’s skin, down the lower third of his spine, to the swell of Tony’s butt, and on to the crack between his cheeks.

Steve leans down to press a soft kiss to Tony’s right but cheek, giving a soft nip before leaving off, and Tony can’t help but moan in reply.

Steve’s hand dips lower, then, fingers now intently, but still tenderly, caressing across and around Tony’s hole, and Steve must have leaned down, for Tony can feel Steve’s warm breath caressing his skin, right there.

And Steve leans in to kiss and lick again, across Tony’s arse and into his crack, and, oh, right there ... it’s hot, and while it should be a little kinky, oh hell, ok, yeah, Tony thinks, it IS a little kinky, he had no idea Steve would be willing to ... it is also far more tender and intimate than Tony had expected. Steve isn’t the first person to lick across Tony’s anus, not by a long shot, but somehow, knowing that this is Steve, and listening to the tiny, appreciative sounds Steve is making ... is … it’s ... a lot. Tony’s been aroused ever since Steve dragged him into the bedroom and kissed him against the door, but at the feel of Steve’s tongue laving his hole, Tony’s cock gives a definitive twitch, and Tony can’t hold back the guttural moan that escapes him.

And then Steve starts _talking_.

“Oh god, Tony, you should see yourself, so hot, and the way you open around my tongue ...”

Tony hears Steve shift again, and his hands leave him for a moment, and then there’s the distinct ‚snick’ of the lube cap being flipped open.

“I am going to touch you now, Tony, right there, is that ok? You will have to let me know if I am going too quickly, or if something feels unpleasant. I don’t have a lot of experience in this and I can’t see your reactions, so you will have to tell me.”

Steve’s fingers come to rest, all slicked up and ready for action, against Tony’s hole, but Steve doesn’t move them, just rests them there. His other hand has come to caress Tony’s flank, but it also stills at Tony’s lack of reply.

“Tony?” Steve asks, and Tony digs himself out of his own head and the pleasure and sheer amount of emotions he is already feeling long enough to answer. “Yes, yes, ok, Cap. Go on.”

“ _Steve_ ,” Steve replies, still not moving, and Tony can almost hear a frown in his voice. Startled, Tony twists around, so that he can look over his shoulder and see Steve. And, yes, sure enough, Steve is frowning at him, a little.

“What?” Tony asks, a little confused, and a little scared that he knows the answer to the question, that Steve will, unknowingly, be removing yet another one of Tony’s protective layers.

Steve leaves his lubed-up finders resting in Tony’s cleft, but leans forward on his other hand, so that he can kiss Tony.

“I want you to call me Steve, Tony, when we’re like this. There’s no Captain America here, only me. Only Steve. Please?”

Tony nods. He was right.

“Steve,” Tony agrees, too softly, and watches satisfaction and tenderness spill themselves over Steve’s face before he turns his head away again, so that he is facing the - safely emotionless - headboard. “Now get on with it, Steve, for the love of...”, he adds, in a brisker tone than he is feeling, just to be on the safe side. Distance, think distance, he tells himself.

Steve, the bastard, only chuckles. “Yes, Tony.”

And then Steve’s fingers are moving, first gently caressing his hole, and the one pushing in, just a little, before withdrawing. And then in again, out again, in, out ... at some point, Steve adds more lube, and Tony lets himself relax into it. This, this is what he expected, what he wanted. He can feel Steve’s fingers, can hear Steve breathing, and the occasional rustle of the sheets, but other than that, there is silence. It’s safe, in that way. Tony has no idea what Steve is thinking, what or who he is thinking about. It’s just Tony, safe in his own head, free to feel whatever he wants to.

When Steve adds a second finger Tony lets his elbows give out and his head fall to the sheets below him. Face safely hidden in his sinfully smooth comforter, he lets himself moan and give Steve some encouragement. “Yes, Steve, like that. Feels so nice. C’mon, give me a third one, I can take it!”

Which ... not quite true. Oh, he will be able to take it, but so soon after the second, the stretch would be ... a little uncomfortable.

Steve, however, is having none of it. The hand not occupied doing delicious things to Tony’s ass comes to rest on Tony’s back again, this time giving long, smooth caresses, all the way up and down, and Steve’s voice is firm when he replies, “Shh ... not yet. I’m not going to hurt you. We have time, Tony. Want to make you feel good, so good.”

Tony groans. “You are making me feel good, Steve.”

And, yeah, that’s true. Steve’s fingers feel _delicious_ where they are opening Tony up, and Steve’s hand is adding a warm, gentle current to the physical arousal that his fingers are bringing Tony.

“That’s good, then, Tony. Want to make you feel so good. Can you feel my fingers moving inside you? Can you feel how deep I am already? I can’t believe that it’s me, opening you up like that, Tony. You have no idea what that is doing to me, how hard that is making me, watching my fingers doing this to you and feeling you all around, oh, shards, Tony.”

Steve, apparently, is compensating for not being able to see Tony’s face by narrating his feelings and actions.

So much for Tony being able to believe that he doesn’t know what - or whom - Steve is thinking about.

Still ... Tony tucks his face deeper beneath one of his arms, and, secretly, lets himself feel, and ache, and desire, and respond.

“Yes, of course I can feel you Steve. So hot, so good ...” he clenches down, experimentally, and loves how it makes both of them moan, “ ... but really, I can take more now, give me more, Steve, want to feel more of you, want to feel it all... .”

Tony reaches the hand that is not busy protecting himself back and tries to slap it against Steve’s thigh in emphasis. Which ... backfires, as Steve reaches down and catches his hand, entwines their fingers, anchors Tony further to himself, to this moment. Still, the contact feels so good ... so Tony lets his fingers tangle with Steve, squeezes them gently, and then harder, when Steve finally _does_ push a third finger inside. The finger catches on Tony’s rim, and Tony moans, long and deep and rather loudly.

“Oh, god, Tony,” Steve groans at that, and god, how can he already sound so wrecked?

Now if only ... Tony thinks he maybe shouldn’t, but screw it, he has always been a greedy bastard, and Steve is _so close_ to finding ... his angle is just the slightest off ... “Steve, oh, a little further up, angle you fingers a little further up, baby, oh ...”

And then Steve _does_ , and thus finds Tony’s prostate, and Tony ... Tony’s already more than halfway to gone, just on Steve’s fingers.

“Yes, yes, oh fuck yes, like that, just like that, Steve, honey, baby, darling, come on, that’s it, right there, oh, yes, yes, yes ...” he babbles in mindless encouragement, writhing on Steve’s fingers.

Steve moans, behind Tony, and his fingers tighten around Tony’s almost painfully, though Tony has no idea why, why now, what he did go cause it, but it’s a good sound, a good reaction, so Tony doesn’t worry about it.

But it gives Tony all these _ideas_ , and Tony can’t help it, he detangles their clasped fingers so that he can push himself up on his hands again, he needs the air, he needs, needs ... and as soon as he has finished pushing himself up Steve is leaning over, intensity suddenly ratcheted up a notch or two, tracing a long, hot, almost savage line of kisses down Tony’s spine, from the nape of this neck all the way to the small of his back, fingers still continuing to deliciously stretch Tony open, his other hand supporting his weight.

“You ready for me, darling?” Steve asks, and, if Tony weren’t so busy thinking ‚yes yes yes’ he’s sure he’d freak out at Steve’s sudden use of a term of endearment. Like, what the hell, where is that coming from? They’ve never, they don’t, it’s not, he’s been so careful not to, that’d be too much like... . As it is, though, he is a little busy shuddering and moaning on Steve’s fingers, so he can’t spare that thought too much attention.

“Oh god yes, please, c’mon Steve.”

Steve’s fingers withdraw, and Tony has one long moment where Steve isn’t touching him, where there is only the sound of the lube being flicked open again, where Tony can start to panic, to recollect _why_ they are in this precise position, to frantically try to reinforce that already far too shattered wall around his emotions, around his heart, where he ... .

But then Steve is back, one slick and one dry hand coming to rest on either side of Tony’s flanks, mouth kissing and nipping Tony’s butt teasingly, and Tony loses track of all those thoughts almost immediately.

And then Steve’s hands are pulling Tony’s ass-cheeks apart, and Steve’s cock is _right there,_ rubbing up and down Tony’s cleft, tracing a long hot line of desire into Tony’s skin, and it’s so hot and warm and firm and Tony wants it so badly, he can’t help but voice just that thought.

“Steve, please, come on, baby, just, please...”

“What do you want, Tony? Tell me. Please, I need you to tell me. I ...”.

Steve sounds wrecked, and half-way out of control already, and, well, Tony mourns that he cannot see the concomitant expression on Steve’s face, even as he tells the non-judgmental, safe, unfeeling duvet beneath him,

“I want to you to take me, Steve.”

Tony squeezes his eyes shut at his own cowardice, at being afraid of the emotional connection of this moment, at depriving them of everything else this, this first, most intimate, moment of connection, of jointness, could be. But he only feels a little like crying, at keeping this from Steve, at keeping it from himself. Mostly he feels aroused. Which ... whatever. Penetration, incoming. Focus on that.

There’s a pause, just for a second or two, and then Steve has changed his angle slightly, is moving with intent, and the his cock is pushing against, and then through, the tight ring of muscle that surrounds Tony’s hole, and Tony has no time at all left to spend on regrets, all he can focus on is that gentle, inexorable breach, the feeling of being opened by a hard, firm cock, by _Steve’s_ cock, and on the sound that Steve makes - it is something between a sigh and a moan, and Tony knows, he _knows_ , that Steve is watching his own cock slowly penetrate Tony. Which is a really, really hot mental image.

It stings a little, Steve pushing into Tony like this, but is also feels really, really good, so Tony makes himself, _lets_ himself relax into the bite of it, and feels the sharp pain transform into a hot, warm pleasure.

“Oh god, Steve,” Tony moans, and now Steve’s hands are back on his flanks, warm hands on either side of Tony a solid reassuring weight, anchoring them together in an entirely different way than where Steve is currently penetrating Tony. Which is such a mind-blowing though that Tony can’t help but moan again.

“Tony, oh, Tony,” Steve replies, “I wish you could see this, Tony, see what I am seeing, it feels so good, and you are so hot and tight and just, you’re perfect for me, Tony, just perfect.”

He is still sliding in, slowly but surely, and Tony knows that, if he doesn’t tell Steve to stop, Steve will keep pushing, right until he has bottomed out. And Tony, Tony has no intention of stopping him. It feels - inexorable, inevitable, ineluctable, inescapable - this gentle but unrelenting push, Steve breaching Tony, pushing him open, making him take all of Steve into himself. Tony is helpless in front of it, can do nothing but surrender to it, to let himself be breached, opened up, split apart and put together again, brighter and better, because there is now a piece of Steve within him where there was only emptiness before.

It takes seconds, minutes, hours - Tony doesn’t know, has lost all track of time to the hot glide of Steve into him, to Steve’s hands on him, to Steve taking him and surrounding him and entering him and … but Steve, finally, does bottom out, hot skin of his lower belly coming to rest against Tony’s backside, and Steve so deep within him that Tony feels as if there is no part of him left that Steve is not touching.

And then Steve just stays there, so deep inside Tony, keeps them connected and leans forward to feather soft kisses across Tony’s shoulders, one hand resting on the sheets to keep him steady, the other one caressing Tony’s side and sneaking around to run across Tony’s belly, pinch his nipple, follow the hair on Tony’s chest down to his belly button, tracing a tender design into the scarred skin where the Arc reactor used to sit.

It’s sweet and tender, and Tony thinks that he really should have expected Steve to do something like that, he knows Steve, after all, but somehow, he really, really did not expect it. And - it’s a lot to take in, this unexpected pause, this ... tenderness in the middle of what Tony imagined to be some intense, hard fucking. He’s still aroused, still desperately hard, and part of him aches for Steve to move, for Steve’s hand to move down and take a hold of his cock - but there’s also a part of Tony that wants to stay in this tender moment forever, to stay so close and connected to Steve, to stay the focus of Steve’s entire attention.

And yet ...

“C’mon, Steve. Move!” Tony demands, wriggling his hips just the tiniest bit in emphasis. The movement jostles Steve’s cock slightly, and Tony cannot suppress a groan at the sensation - which Steve, to his intense satisfaction, echoes.

“Don’t rush me, Tony - I want to remember this.” Steve asks, even as his hips start shifting back and forth, in the barest of movements.

“This?” Tony replies, “what this? Fucking me? There’d be a lot more to remember if you actually, you know, got on with it.”

Steve chuckles, and moans, even as he slightly slaps Tony’s side in admonition.

“No, Tony, not ‚fucking you’. Oh, I’m looking forward to that too, not going to lie, but this ... this first time, this moment of connection, how sweetly my cock slid into you, how you opened up for me, baby, how you accept me...”.

“Oh god, Steve, ...” Tony replies, arousal and so many feelings ricocheting through him at those words, “yes yes yes, but baby, ... you have to move now, please, Steve, please, I can’t ...”

Tony tightens his insides around Steve, and Steve’s hips jerk involuntarily in response. The feeling of Steve’s hot cock sliding in Tony makes both of them moan.

“Ok, Tony, ok, if that’s what you need,” Steve gives in, but his thrusts, when they come, are slow, gentle, as if he is savoring every moment of this - no, Tony knows, Steve is actually savoring every moment of this, there is no ‚as if’ about it. It’s a sweet, smooth glide, and Steve’s cock manages to brush right against Tony’s prostate on every one of those slides, which is quickly turning Tony into a tightly strung ball of ever gathering pleasure. Tony wants Steve to speed up, wants Steve to touch Tony’s own cock, or to just reach down and do the job himself, but he resists, for now, because Steve is still kissing his way across Tony’s shoulders, and he is also still talking. And that, that is undoing Tony just as much as, is undoing Tony more than, the ever-gathering storm of pleasure.

“You feel so good Tony, so good. Hot and tight and as if you were made for me. I wish we could be doing this forever, Tony, that I never had to leave here, to leave this bed, to leave you, sweetheart. I want to make you feel so good, as good as you are making me feel, I love your heat around my cock, how tight you are for me, baby, I ...”.

“Oh god, Steve ... touch me, please,” is all that Tony can moan in reply, sounding breathless to his own ears.

Steve’s hand moves lower on his belly, giving Tony’s cock one long, luxurious, mind-blowing pull, before skirting away again to rest firmly against the scar tissue on Tony’s chest, his thumb tracing over the space where Tony’s heart is thrumming wildly under his skin. Steve shifts slightly, so that his mouth is close to Tony’s ear, so that he can keep pressing kisses against it when he whispers,

“But I am touching you, Tony. I am touching you deep inside, I am feeling all the secret, tender, wonderful places that you take such care to hide from the world, that it is such a privilege to be allowed into. I am touching your magnificent, generous, strong heart, that keeps beating and going and loving even when it has been hurt so much, that, even after everything that has happened to it, was willing to reach out to me and let me inside. And you, god, Tony, you touch me in the same way. You surround me, you soothe me, you fill up the emptiness so deep inside me, that no-one else has reached in so long … it’s you that makes me whole and strong, Tony, baby, darling, it’s you. I am touching you, Tony, everywhere that counts, just like you are touching me.”

Tony shudders, and feels his arousal flag a little, as a storm of emotions overtakes it. This, that is … what the hell … it’s too much. ... he wanted Steve to take him like this, from behind, to keep himself safe and aloft, to prevent Steve from seeing too much of what Tony is feeling. This was supposed to be safe and hard and all about physical sensations, and instead Steve has turned it into something so soft and loving and tender and intimate, has reached through all of Tony’s barricades, somehow understood and alleviated all of Tony’s unspoken fears ... Tony has not cried, not in a very, very long time, and never during sex (not even during the worst of it, when it might have actually made sense to do so), but this ... it’s too much, too many emotions, too much tenderness, too much all at once, and he can feel silent tears gathering in his eyes and slowly tracing their way down his skin. He feels ... split open, seen and accepted and loved in a way he did not expect, not ever and certainly not today, not here, not like this, not with Steve fucking him from behind.

Tony’s saving grace, of course, is still that Steve has no idea. That Steve won’t know, not if Tony can push through this.

Tony tries to sound wry when he replies, “Not _everywhere_ that counts, darling,” at which Steve has to chuckle.

Steve sighs, softly, but he relents. “Yes, ok. But, here, let me ...” his hands come and pull at Tony’s sides, more as a suggestion than a command, letting Tony know that he is free to resist, should he choose to do so. “Come, up and lean back, on your knees and ...”

Steve’s hands guide Tony, until his torso is upright, knees still firmly on the bed and spread slightly, with Steve behind and between them, and Tony’s back resting against Steve’s chest. It’s a comfortable enough position, with Steve supporting most of Tony’s weight, and, if Tony were to move his head backwards, it would fit nicely into the crook of Steve’s shoulder. He doesn’t though, prefers to let it hang forward. He can now see where Steve’s hand is wrapped around Tony’s torso, where his thumb is resting against his heart, where the flat of his palm is warm and tender against the raised welts that are the scars, the consequences, of most all of Tony’s choices and misdeeds ... .

The hand that Steve has splayed across Tony’s chest stays firmly in place, while his other one, now free to roam, quickly finds its way to Tony’s slightly flagging member.

“Fuck, Steve,” Tony moans at the feeling of Steve’s fingers wrapping around his cock, and, just like that, his arousal is back with a vengeance.

“That’s the idea, Tony,” Steve murmurs against his ear, and bites down on Tony’s earlobe gently. The grip of his hand is firm and tight, with just enough lube left over on his fingers to make for a smooth, even glide.

Steve’s hand across Tony’s chest, across Tony’s heart, keeps Tony anchored firmly in place, even as his other one starts moving with intent, even as he starts fucking up into Tony from behind. The position does not allow for the same range of movement that their previous one did, but Steve makes it work, uses short, sharp thrusts to take Tony apart. And through it all, he keeps murmuring in Tony’s ear, words of praise and affection, keeps telling Tony how good Tony is making him feel, how much Steve is enjoying Tony’s responses.

It’s incredibly hot and at the same time incomprehensibly tender, and the combination rushes through Tony in an uncontainable flow, past all his defenses, past all the barriers he has put in place to protect himself, the restraints he has placed on sharing too much of what he is feeling in his heart.

Even as Tony feels his arousal spiraling higher and higher, pushed there by the delicious glide of Steve’s cock across his prostate and of Steve’s hands across his skin, it is Steve’s words that do him in. He flings his head back, and knows that Steve will be able to see his expression now, too overwhelmed and tender and full of feeling as it is.

“Steve, I can’t, I can’t ...” Tony moans, and lets his hands - which have so far rested passively against his sides - move. They settle on Steve’s arm, where it is splayed across Tony’s chest, holding on tightly. “Steve, I am, I am going to ...”

Steve’s thrusts speed up, become as hard as they can in their current position, and his hand on Tony’s cock tightens. “Yes, yes Tony. I want to see you, I want to feel you come. Come for me, beloved.”

And, at that, Tony - does. Is helpless to do anything but. It rushes through him like a hurricane, goes on and on, hard and shattering and leaving devastation and raw exhilaration behind. He feels calm and split open, raw and fulfilled, ecstatic and vulnerable, all in one confusing package, and keeps clinging to Steve’s arms through the aftermath of his own orgasm and the increasingly frantic thrusts that herald Steve’s own oncoming climax.

“Steeeeeve… .”

When Steve comes, it is with a quiet groan and a tender, whispered “Oh, Tony,” against Tony’s ear. He kisses Tony’s ear, after, and then keep trailing kisses down Tony’s neck, up the side of Tony’s throat, across his face, right across the tear tracks on Tony’s face, and now perfectly aware of the tears that are still overflowing from Tony’s eyes.

“Oh, Tony,” Steve whispers again.

Tony turns his head, finally, gives in and obliterates the remaining distance between them, meeting Steve’s gaze head on, defiant, daring Steve to question him. Steve doesn’t though, only leans in to tenderly kiss Tony on the lips, and Tony returns the kiss after only the briefest of hesitations.

It’s sweet, soft, intimate, teasing and tender, just their tongues playing against each other, easy and undemanding. It helps to settle Tony’s raging emotions, and he doesn’t break the kiss, only groans a faint protest when Steve withdraws from him. His now empty hole twitches uncomfortably, but Tony ignores it, still a little afraid of the emotional reckoning that might be coming, of the resolve that he can feel building inside himself.

Once Steve is clear of Tony’s body he breaks the kiss and shuffles them around until they are lying on the bed again, facing each other, fingers of their lower hands entangled between them, Steve’s other hand reaching to brush the tear-tracks off Tony’s face. It is, however, the hand that is covered in Tony’s come, and Steve stops his gesture before it is completed, makes a face at it and wipes it on the sheets between them, before once again reaching for Tony’s face.

It makes Tony chuckle, and some of the disquiet settles within him.

“Sorry about that,” Steve mutters, and leans in to kiss Tony again, soft and tender. He snuggles close, arm wrapping around Tony, and just like that, Tony knows - knows that Steve is not going to say anything about any of it - not about the tears on Tony’s face, not about the terms of endearment that they were both suddenly using (Tony still wonders why Steve started that), not about the sheer amount of feeling that existed between them, above and beyond the utter pleasure their physical intimacy brought them.

Steve is willing, is prepared, to give Tony his space in this, to wait (and wait, and wait) until Tony is ready, to, if pressed, claim that it all slipped out during the heat of the moment, that everyone knows that no-one is entirely rational during sex, that things muttered in the heat of passion do not necessarily mean anything in real life ... yes, Steve is willing to do all this, because that is what Tony needs.

But, gazing at Steve’s face, at the warm blue eyes looking back at him lovingly, Tony knows that Steve _did_ mean it all. Did mean every tender, gentle word, every affectionate, emotion-laden sentence.

And Tony - Tony doesn’t want to make them both hide this anymore. Plus, he knows, now. Steve might not have said the words, but he’s been telling Tony, has been showing Tony, in every other way.

So Tony takes a - metaphorical and physical - deep breath, crosses his mental fingers, and leans in to whisper “I love you, too, Steve,” against Steve’s lips.

It’s nothing more or less than the truth, after all.

It takes a moment, but then Steve is drawing back, eyes wide open and intent, searching Tony’s face, “Wha ...?” he asks, and Tony might worry at that, if Steve’s smile weren’t so wide and disbelieving and full of slowly awakening joy.

Tony pushes, until Steve has rolled on to his back, and Tony can lean over him, can lean down and kiss him again, can hold Steve’s face between his steady, sure, hands, can look him straight into the eyes and repeat, firmly and with all the love he has been bottling up inside, “I said, I love you too, Steven Grant Rogers.”

And now he is the one that’s being pushed onto his back, and Steve is all over him, hands and legs and delicious skin, and maybe Steve’s eyes are a little wet now, too, but he is laughing and kissing his way all across Tony’s face, and interspersing his kisses with “I can’t believe you -” - “How did you-” - “I love you too, Tony, I love you too!”

So it worked out well, in the end, despite Tony being an idiot, but still - the next time, the first time they are both fully aware that what they are doing is actually _making love_ , Tony will insist that he be able to see Steve’s face, all the way through.

 

The End

 

 

— 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> —
> 
>  
> 
> (Yes I know that Tony is the one who starts using terms of endearment ... but Tony doesn‘t. Steve just takes Tony‘s admission and runs with it. Good boy, Steve.).


End file.
